A Family to Come Home To (Saddle Falls) Read online

  The thought was so ludicrous it always made Hannah laugh. Explaining to her adorable five-year-old, why she, a twenty-five-year-old single mother barely scraping by couldn’t even consider having another baby, let alone that she hadn’t either the time nor the inclination to date, or, for that matter, get involved with another man, seemed far too complicated. Explaining her rationale for not getting a dog suddenly seemed far less harmless.

  “I’ll tell you what, honey. Why don’t we wait and see how school goes first? And then we’ll see about getting you a dog. Let’s give it a couple of weeks and then we’ll talk about it again, okay?”

  “’kay,” Riley said with a sigh, apparently appeased as she climbed back on her bike.

  “Stay in the driveway, now,” Hannah cautioned.

  “I will, Mama. I could almost get all the way down the driveway by myself,” she added proudly, shakily pedaling the bike. Hannah bit her lip, resisting the urge to go to her daughter and help her, knowing that as much as she detested the fact, if she wanted Riley to grow up to be strong and independent, she had to let her do things on her own, at her own speed.

  Hannah sighed again, realizing that at times she was too cautious, too overprotective of her only child, but then reality sunk in and she realized that there was no more important job in her life than being a good mother. And if that meant being overprotective of her daughter, so be it.

  Besides, she’d never been a gambler or a risk taker. Especially when it came to her daughter. It just wasn’t in her nature.

  She liked to think of herself as a pragmatic, practical woman who dealt in common sense. It had become a habit to think through every step, every move twice and then calmly and rationally go over everything again just to be certain before she made any decisions.

  Only once had Hannah allowed her emotions to overrule her practicality and common sense. Only once had she allowed her own desperate yearning to have a family of her own—a real family—get the best of her, and the end result had left her a young, naive, woefully unprepared single mother.

  But she’d learned, she thought, glancing affectionately at her daughter again. She’d learned quickly that decisions and actions based on emotion could only lead to innumerable mistakes and heartache.

  The end result of her own naiveté had been the loss of her pride, her self-esteem, as well as her family, who’d disowned her for disgracing them by getting pregnant and refusing to marry Riley’s father. Before she and her parents could reconcile, they’d been killed in a boating accident, but they had left Riley their house—in trust. Hannah never knew if that was their way of saying they’d forgiven her or not. She didn’t dwell on it because the pain of their words, their anger and disappointment had never faded. She’d never apologize for bringing Riley into the world. Not to anyone.

  Well, the reason Hannah wouldn’t marry the man was that not only had he never asked, he had also never once mentioned that he was already married and had a family. Riley’s father hadn’t been interested in the family he already had, let alone a new one. Although Hannah felt guilty sometimes for depriving her precious daughter of a father, she figured in the long run she hadn’t robbed Riley of too much except a whole lot of disappointment and heartache from a man who hadn’t wanted Riley and couldn’t or wouldn’t accept her.

  Despite the loss and the painful life lessons, Hannah had received an incredible gain—a beautiful, loving daughter who filled every need in her heart.

  Biting her lower lip, Hannah wondered if the career decision she’d made so recently had been made with her usual practical common sense. Or a bit of emotion. Perhaps it had been both, she considered, hanging the last sheet out to dry.

  She’d been an accomplished cook since the age of twelve and loved creating beautiful meals, so having a job doing something she loved seemed perfect. The salary Tommy had offered was more than generous, and with his longtime housekeeper/cook, Mrs. Taylor, finally retiring, accepting the job would also allow her to spend more time with Riley since she could bring her to work with her.

  It was, Hannah realized, a dream come true. Enough money to support them, a job she loved and more time to spend with her daughter.

  So why was she worried? she wondered, trying to shake off her own concerns.

  Perhaps it was that she always worried that she was taking advantage of Tommy and his family. As her godfather, it was Tommy who’d always been there for her, including her in his own family, making her feel welcome, wanted and loved, something her own parents never had time for, even before they disowned her.

  Although she’d been a bit younger than Jake, Jared and Josh, they’d always treated her like the sister they’d never had, and Riley like one of their own children, giving both a sense of belonging.

  Having the Ryans in their lives gave Riley a sense of being part of a huge, loving family, the one thing—the only thing—Hannah wasn’t able to provide for her daughter on her own.

  With another sigh, Hannah hung the last pillowcase on the clothesline. Unconsciously, her gaze traveled to the driveway and she felt an instant of panic. Riley’s bike was lying on its side, pink streamers blowing in the afternoon breeze.

  But her daughter was nowhere to be seen.

  “Riley?” Hannah stepped over the now-empty laundry basket, knocking it over and wiping her suddenly damp hands on her jean shorts. “Riley!” she called louder, trying not to panic. Her daughter knew better than to leave the driveway.

  “Mama! Mama, come see. This man looks like Uncle Jake.” Riley’s voice drifted back toward her and Hannah patted her heart to calm it as she stalked down the driveway, coming to a halt when she saw a stranger holding her daughter’s hand.

  With his large buff-colored Stetson, his faded jeans, boots, and chambray shirt, he could have passed for Jake Ryan’s twin.

  But it wasn’t Jake Ryan, Hannah realized instantly.

  He was a bit taller than Jake, built a bit bigger, and he was clearly younger than Jake, but he had the same inky-black hair curling over the collar of his shirt. And the same incredible Ryan blue eyes.

  And a face that couldn’t deny he was a Ryan.

  While all the Ryan men were undeniably gorgeous, Hannah had always felt more sisterly toward them. She could acknowledge and appreciate their good looks, but had never felt that instinctive female stirring of lust that looking at this man had curling in her gut. The strength of the sensation reminded her that in spite of her deliberately man-devoid life, she was still a young woman and still had all the needs and desires she’d been trying to ignore since Riley’s birth.

  And she wasn’t particularly pleased that those needs and desires had picked this particular moment to rear their rambunctious heads.

  She took a long, slow breath and let her breath out slowly before stepping closer. There were prickles of fear, awareness and a host of other confusing feelings swamping her, and she wasn’t quite certain how to react to them.

  Or to the incredibly gorgeous hunk of male holding her precious daughter’s hand.

  “Hannah-Anna.”

  Unaware he’d even spoken, Jesse stared at the adult version of the adorable little girl. Everything seemed to slow, then still inside him—except his heart. It gave a solid bump, then sped up as if it were on a racecourse. The entire world faded away and there was only her, standing there like an apparition.

  Hannah-Anna.

  A kaleidoscope of emotions, feelings, memories converged all at once, nearly staggering him, flashing instantly through his mind like a movie that had been fast-forwarded at warp speed.

  He saw her as she’d been; the adorable, mischievous girl he’d played tag with, chased around and around her house. He remembered, and could almost hear, her squeals of delight echoing behind her as she ran as fast as her legs could carry her, no match for his longer, stronger ones as he caught her, held her, tickled her or pulled her hair.

  Or protected her when anyone else dare tease her.

  It was Hannah-Anna.

&nbs
p; His Hannah-Anna.

  Jesse was almost certain he’d stopped breathing. Surely the earth had stopped moving and time must have stood still as he simply stood there staring at her. The memory of her had snuck up on him, catching him totally off guard.

  Giving his head a shake, he let his eyes close for a moment to gather himself, then slowly opened them, surprised that she was still standing there staring at him as if she’d seen a ghost.

  She was all grown up and the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. His heart kept hammering wickedly as his gaze slowly traipsed over her, wanting—needing to see every inch of her.

  Small and delicate, she had a mass of wavy, golden-blond hair that flowed down her back. Her eyes, a vibrant, vivid blue rimmed by thick black lashes reminded him of a clear Texas sky on a summer day. Wide open and at the moment clouded by some emotion he couldn’t read.

  She wore a pair of shorts that hugged an incredibly sexy butt and revealed a slim expanse of tanned legs long enough to make a man drool. Her feet were sexily bare, and the shirt she had on was the color of ripe apricots and tied just under her breasts, revealing a flat expanse of equally tanned tummy.

  Because his throat had gone as dry as the desert, Jesse had to swallow several times before speaking.

  “Hannah-Anna,” he whispered again. The deep timbre of his voice was husky with emotion and an unmistakable Texas drawl.

  Hannah hadn’t heard her childhood nickname in twenty years, not since Jesse Ryan had disappeared.

  “J-Jesse?” she whispered, her voice so dry it came out like a croak. Her gaze went over him as he slowly removed his Stetson, allowing a tumble of rich, black hair to fall free, only emphasizing the beautiful shape and sculpture of his chiseled features.

  Ryan features.

  “Jesse,” she said again as her lids slid closed and her hand lifted to smother the sob that struggled for freedom. “Oh my God, Jesse.” It had been so long since she’d allowed herself to say or even think his name because she’d been unable to bear the tremendous pain and grief the mere thought of his disappearance brought on.

  Grief that, as a child, she hadn’t known how to handle or what to do with. How does a five-year-old cope with the knowledge that her best friend—her only friend—has disappeared and that she’ll never see him again?

  It had been too heavy a loss for someone so young to understand or to carry. So she’d buried the pain deep inside her heart, where it had been covered over by other losses, more grief from a life and a family that had not turned out as she’d wanted, expected or needed.

  “My God, Jesse, I can’t believe it.” Her voice was stronger now, but she couldn’t stop staring at him, tears streaming down her face as her pulse raced like a runaway train.

  “Please don’t cry,” he said gently, taking a step closer and tenderly wiping a tear from her cheek. Stunned by her reaction to his slight touch, Hannah let her lids lower as she savored the feelings storming through her. When he’d touched her, she’d felt a tingle of electricity strong enough to light up six counties.

  With any other man such a reaction would have sent her running in the opposite direction as fast as her legs could carry her. But this was Jesse, she reminded herself. And Jesse had always been different, special to her.

  “Jesse, is it really you?” she asked. Stepping closer, Hannah knew she had to touch him, just to assure herself he was here and he was real.

  Through eyes blurred with tears she tipped her head back to look at him, then laid her hands on the broad expanse of his chest, feeling her pulse—and his heart—jump in response.

  Jesse sighed, a little off balance, a little frightened by the feelings, as well as the memories, swarming over him. Memories he never realized had been buried somewhere within and now could not be ignored or denied, a fact that only added to his emotional confusion.

  As did the sight and touch of this incredibly beautiful woman.

  “Yeah, darlin’, I reckon it’s really me.” He smiled at her and Hannah was certain someone had hitched the sun a notch. The world somehow seemed brighter. More beautiful.

  Hannah didn’t think, she couldn’t, she merely reacted, throwing her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest, holding on to him as if she could hold him to her forever.

  “Oh, Jesse, I thought I’d never see you again.”

  “I know, darlin’, sorta seemed that way, didn’t it?” he said, not knowing exactly how to respond to her. With her lush, curvy little body pressed against his, he found his own body reacting and responding in a way that shocked him. Since his mother’s death three months ago, he hadn’t felt anything, it was as if he’d gone cold and dead inside.

  Until now.

  Until he’d touched her.

  Unable to resist, he stroked his free hand down the long curtain of her hair simply to see if it was as soft as it looked. It was.

  She was close enough for her deliciously feminine scent to tease him. It was an erotically feminine mixture of heat, sun and woman. He inhaled deeply, wanting to brand the scent into his mind, his memory.

  “Welcome home, Jesse.” Hannah lifted her tear-stained face and gave him a big, watery smile. “Welcome home.”

  Chapter Two

  Home.

  It was as if she’d thrown a bucket of cold water on him. Instinctively, Jesse drew back from her, still watching her, not certain this was the time or the place to explain…what? Well hell, he thought in frustration, to explain that he wasn’t home, home was in Texas. He was merely here for a visit.

  And a short visit at that.

  Nothing more.

  Once he’d satisfied himself that he’d done the right thing, honored his promise to his mother to find his real family, he’d go back home to Texas.

  But he wasn’t certain this was the time or place to get into it, not with this beautiful woman and adorable little girl looking at him with a mixture of joy and adoration.

  “He rescued me, Mama,” Riley said with a grin, glancing up at Jesse in adoration. “I almost felled down off my bike but he caught me.” Riley’s free hand went to her mother’s face and her blue eyes rounded in alarm. “Why are you crying, Mama?” she asked. “Are you sad, Mama?”

  “Don’t worry, darlin’,” he said gently. Something about this little tyke had touched his heart the moment he’d lifted her into his arms after she’d nearly crash-landed onto the pavement. She’d trustingly wound her arms around him and was now holding on to his hand as tight as her mother had just a few moments before. “I don’t think your mama’s sad. I think she’s happy, honey.”

  Aware she was frightening her daughter, Hannah wiped away her tears and smiled. “Jesse’s right, honey, I’m not sad.” She swiped her damp face again, slipping her shaking hands into the pockets of her shorts. “I’m happy, very happy,” she added, unable to drag her gaze away from Jesse’s.

  “Riley, honey, do you remember Mama told you that a long, long time ago when I was a little girl, right about your age, I had a best friend whose name was Jesse? He was Uncle Jake, Uncle Jared and Uncle Josh’s youngest brother?” Hannah reached out and straightened one of her daughter’s pigtails. It had come loose from her morning of play.

  Riley’s eyebrows scrunched together as she tried to concentrate on remembering. “He went away, right?” she asked, then grinned at her mother’s nod. “And you never got to play with him again?”

  “That’s right,” Hannah said, blowing a wad of hair off her face. “Well, Riley, this is Jesse. Your Uncle Jesse.”

  “Did you come back to play with my mama again, Uncle Jesse?” Riley asked with wide-eyed innocence, making Hannah flush and Jesse laugh.

  “Well, darlin’, I guess you could say that.” His gaze shifted to Hannah’s and she saw the mischievous male twinkle in his eyes, a twinkle that had been there even as a boy, a twinkle that revealed his incredible sense of humor.

  She was unbearably pleased to see that it still remained, but felt a bit skittish at the hint of masculi
ne interest she saw there. And the fact that she was readily responding to it.

  She’d do well to remember the vow she’d made when she found herself alone and pregnant. She would never allow herself to be vulnerable to a man’s charms again. Never again would she fall blindlessly, heedlessly in love, especially with a man who didn’t want or value his family. No, she’d come from a family like that, and wanted no part of it or any man who didn’t share her love and appreciation for what family meant. If and when she ever took another chance on love, it would have to be with a man who wanted and would treasure the kind of family and family life Tommy Ryan had created.

  Finding a man like that was going to take a miracle, and Hannah was fresh out of believing in miracles, so she’d resolved to raise her daughter alone and be alone rather than risk her heart or her daughter’s ever again.

  Still, looking at Jesse, remembering the closeness they’d once shared, Hannah felt her own female yearnings spring to life, yearnings she’d buried a long time ago. They both annoyed and embarrassed her.

  “Well, Miss Riley,” Jesse began, his intense masculine gaze still on Hannah’s, making her feel a rush of warmth as well as a stirring of female desire she could only categorize as pure, blind lust. It had been so long, she was surprised she recognized it, she thought in amusement. “I guess you could say…uh…playing with your mama just might be one of the things I came back for.” Tucking his tongue in his cheek, he rocked back on the heels of his boots as Hannah’s face flamed.

  With a laugh, she shook her head. Jesse was as charming as the rest of his brothers, but unlike Jake, Jared and Josh, she found herself responding to Jesse, something she knew she couldn’t do. She’d simply pretend to ignore whatever electricity was arcing between them. If she ignored it, she wouldn’t have to deal with it or worry about it.

  “Well, Jesse, it’s nice to know some things haven’t changed,” she said with a smile. “You still have a wicked sense of humor.”